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HOW NOT TO ROB A TRAIN, Anna Maguire
New Shorts

NEW SHORTS: Lo-Budget Mayhem

19:30 Tue 13 Jan 2015

Hackney Picturehouse, Hackney Attic

Tickets: £10

Expect a raucous show with our regular and popular showcase of low budget filmmaking; a selection of 26 out-there gems from bad taste comedy to bizarre animation. These films go to show that in times of austerity, inventive work can be made on zero budget. Watch out for three ZEBRA FACE animations featuring Kid Acne, and Roger Sloman (NUTS IN MAY) and Michael Maloney in the surreal sitcom TWO HORRIBLE LITTLE GIRLS.

(106 min)

  • BANJOY

    Simon Jablonski 2 mins (, 2014)

    A dark comedy about a man who, driven him to the edge of sanity, takes extreme steps to silence his housemate's incessant banjo playing. His gruesome plans are interrupted by an over-friendly bin man. Yet it’s not until his next surprise visitor that he discovers his scheming has suffered an horrific case of mistaken identity.

  • BOURNE SEPTUGENARIAN

    Jason Wingard & Gino Evans 3 mins (, 2014)

    Originally commissioned by the BBC as a short comedy sketch Bourne Septuagenarian is about two aging assassin with a grudge the runs back a number of years. Essentially a spoof of the Jason Bourne films - the film deals with the action movie fight scene in a slapstick and humourous way. The assassins will stop at nothing to get their man. Or woman.

  • BRUSH

    George O'Regan 4 mins (, 2014)

    A leaflet for the Lake District pops through an uninspired Artist’s letter box - giving him just the inspiration he needs. With his easel under one arm and a canvas under the other, he sets off on an adventure from the striking suburb streets to the mesmerising mountains, along the way creating a beautiful piece of art in a way that you wouldn’t quite expect.

  • COMFORT

    Adam Comrie 2 mins (, 2014)

    Jealousy begins to rise up, as this young lady's partner becomes frustrated towards her obsession with a childhood teddy bear. After biting his tongue for some time, he has finally had enough.

  • CRACK

    O'Shea & O'Gaukroger 1 mins (, 2014)

    "Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat."

  • DEADBIRD

    Trevor Hardy 1 mins (, 2014)

    Peter gets some advice from a wise old man, even if he didn't ask for it. This delightful one minute stopmotion animation has been created by multi award winning animator, Trevor Hardy.

  • EMBARRASSMENT

    Helen Murray 7 mins (, 2014)

    {not provided}

  • GOAL ATTAINMENT

    Andy Lambert 1 mins (, 2014)

    The loneliness of the goalkeeper. Would anyone notice if he took his eye off the game? Made as part of a series called “MUTE”, very short films with three rules: no dialogue, no camera movement and using only a single shot. Filmed in Parliament Hill Fields, London.

  • HOW (NOT) TO ROB A TRAIN

    Anna Maguire 3 mins (, 2014)

    Never forget how to play make believe games. Or tie your friend to (disused) railway tracks in the name of fun. Or plant (cardboard) explosives on said tracks to steal lots and lots of money from a (2D) train. Or save the boy you love from certain (?) death. Always remember how (not) to rob a train.

  • JAPANESE DOCTOR WHO

    Joshua Kahan 3 mins (, 2014)

    One day a video tape fell from the sky into a young man’s lap. Unfortunately it was damaged in the fall and only a small amount of footage was salvageable. Scientists believe the tape arrived, by a still undetermined means, from a parallel universe wherein the Japanese had licensed Doctor Who in the early 1980’s. Brace yourself for Dokutaa Who.

  • JEORGE

    Adam McNicol & Bobby Goulding 2 mins (, 2014)

    In the mountains of Norway a mysterious narrator recounts his experience of meeting a strange man heading for the wilderness. Produced by Brainwrap Comedy this homage to Herzog was created in downtime whilst shooting a documentary and was completely unplanned being mostly written in camera and in the edit. Adam McNicol plays the titular role as the silent, lost and rather ridiculous anti hero.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Vicky Arlidge 6 mins (, 2014)

    Nat King Cole’s love song is given a modern makeover. Boy meets girl, they fall in love, they start annoying each other….. Does her ability to multi-task just mean that she can do TWO annoying things at the same time? When struck down with man flu why does he have no energy for chores but boundless reserves for ‘bedroom‘ exercises?

  • LIPO CANDLE

    Susannah Hewlett 2 mins (, 2014)

    Parents, seeking perfection in their children, turn to the latest invention from the Recession Busting Products range by shopping channel VSS. 'Mr Blubba's Lipo Candle - the only answer to removing fat on a thin budget - whilst having fun!Lipo Candle is one in a series of adverts which satirise commercialism's gift to austerity with the spurious VSS multi-functioning products.

  • ME, MYSELF AND I

    Olga Lagun 5 mins (UK, 2014)

    There are many characters inside of us: the Good, the Bad, the Charming, the Miserable, etc. We use them as a shield, we wear them as a mask to get through the routine of daily life. The question is: which mask will you wear today?

  • MR BEARDY PLAYS A RECORD

    Darin Caudle 3 mins (, 2014)

    The film tells the story of three characters: a punk rock girl who likes angry music, an oafish footballer, and a bearded man in a trilby hat who is very attached to a record entitled Candlelight and Wine. When these three meet one day in the park, all sorts of peculiar things happen. Prepare for some bizarre dancing and a little violence thrown in for good measure.

  • PIG WORMER

    Gavin Irvine 3 mins (, 2014)

    On finding a pompous actor in their office – a North London phone box – a pair of unscrupulous drug dealers ‘get to work’ on their uncooperative victim forcing him to re-enact his latest role, the voice of the Daleks in Doctor Who, before offering him the deal of the century. How can the luvvie possibly refuse?

  • STRUDEL

    Sophie Marsh 2 mins (, 2014)

    Strudel is an animated documentary about a hitchhiking duos attempt to cross Europe in the summer of 2013. Sophie thinks of herself as an ‘experienced’ traveller…she is experienced in not knowing where she is and not knowing what to do about it. James has full faith that Sophie’s experience in travelling will lead them nearly 2000 miles, from London to Croatia.

  • THE CUSHIONING

    Sam Hammond 12 mins (, 2014)

    Geoffrey is a horror film fanatic, tormented by his devoutly Christian neighbour, Vincent, who believes the films he watches are the devils work. One day Geoffrey acquires a new sofa, but he soon realizes a horrifying secret lurking between the cushions. Haunting his every waking moment, he decides to use this terrifying discovery to rid himself of all his neighbourly problems.

  • THE NOISE

    Steve Ramsden 6 mins (, 2014)

    On the night before having to deliver the most important presentation of his life, a tightly-wound workaholic is kept awake by an infuriating mystery noise. As he begins to have premonitions of how events will play out if he doesn’t get to sleep, his efforts to discover the noise become increasingly elaborate. Time is ticking... how far will a desperate man go to get one night’s sleep?

  • THINGS I SHOULD STOP THINKING ABOUT THINKING

    Mr Castro 2 mins (, 2014)

    What really goes on in young men’s heads? A film about boobs, panic, worry, stress, sex, boobs, life, alcohol, relationships, moobs, bees, happiness, boobs, tits and stress. Oh, and boobs.

  • TWO HORRIBLE LITTLE GIRLS

    John Jenkinson 18 mins (, 2014)

    There's something not quite right about Graham and Clive. Barbara's jolly middle-aged neighbours take it upon themselves to comfort her whilst she's mourning her husband's death. After inviting themselves over for drinks, Barbara is forced to endure an evening of inexplicable awfulness.

  • WELCOME TO OXMOUTH

    John Panton 4 mins (, 2014)

    A promotional video for the town of Oxmouth. Oxmouth is a town of now and tomorrow, where you make the future. Oxmouth is a town of commerce and vitality, whose broad roads and extensive plazas betoken a new now. To avoid confusion, please do not focus on any unwanted visual distraction. Welcome to Oxmouth.

  • WHEN YOU'RE READY

    Julia Sukan del Rio 5 mins (UK, 2014)

    Richard, a young actor, enters a London casting office. The room is filled with photos of what appears to be the most famous cat in the business. When the cat unexpectedly appears in the office chair staring back at him, Richard must make an important decision. He is determined to get the part, but is he ready to endure his toughest audition yet?

  • ZEBRA FACE - CLOUD TROUBLE

    Paul Reardon & Kid Acne 3 mins (, 2014)

    Meet Zebra Face, our cock-sure stripy-horse hero. With his mouth-organ wielding, insulin-dependent sidekick Durable Diabetic by his side he is ready to go out baddie bustin’.Our hero gets dissed from the heavens. With just their friend Messy Dinosaur and an egg to help them, can our heroes right this terrible wrong?

  • ZEBRA FACE - RUMBLE IN THE TUMBLES

    Paul Reardon & Kid Acne 3 mins (, 2014)

    Meet Zebra Face, our cock-sure stripy-horse hero. With his mouth-organ wielding, insulin-dependent sidekick Durable Diabetic by his side he is ready to go out baddie bustin’. Durable wakes up with poorliness in the extreme. Can Zebra Face save his friend from the tummy virus attack? Or will they need the help of some mysterious rapping twins?

  • ZEBRA FACE - SNEEZY ON THE MIC,

    Paul Reardon & Kid Acne 3 mins (, 2014)

    Meet Zebra Face, our cock-sure stripy-horse hero. With his mouth-organ wielding, insulin-dependent sidekick Durable Diabetic by his side he is ready to go out baddie bustin’. Silken Footsteps sneezes out a spooky new world. The Ghost MC’s battle rhymes are too hot to handle. Can Folk really save the day?